Weekend Writing Warriors #1

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So I figured I would try participating in the Weekend Writing Warriors.  I’ll post an eight sentence snippet from the last chapter of a fantasy story I’m working on.  It has a complicated back-story, but I’ll give you the bare bones.  Zack and Cloud were trapped in a mad scientist’s lab for several years, they broke out, and are being hunted down.  They were both in the military prior to their enslavement.  And Cloud is in a comatose like state, so Zack is dragging him around the world hoping he’ll wake up.  Zack is trying to get back to Midgar because that’s where his girlfriend lives, and she has no idea what happened to him.

Here’s the link to Weekend Writing Warriors: http://www.wewriwa.com/

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The night was veiled in darkness, falling down around them like a burial shroud, nearly suffocating in its intensity.  Zack focused on the sliver of moon in the sky, pale as milk glass, hiding among the clouds.  He took deep breaths, counting the seconds between, as if he had forgotten how to breathe.

Years ago Angeal lectured him about finding the light from within, but he brushed it off as the ramblings of an overzealous mentor.  Making his way through the darkness, he realized that without a torch to guide him he would never make it to Midgar.  The fire within him flickered, but it was a mere candlelight compared to the one that burned in Cloud, an all-consuming blaze that threatened to destroy him and the world if he didn’t learn how to control it.  It brought to mind another man, Sephiroth, a former SOLDIER and friend that unleashed his hate against the world in a fiery inferno.

Even now the memory of it felt surreal, as if it was a nightmare, something too horrific to actually be real.

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I don’t know if this makes any sense :$  If I did something wrong, please let me know.

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27 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors #1

  1. Lovely! Everything’s just right. 🙂 I’m glad you joined the community!
    This weekend will be my second one, and this weekend, you’ll get lots of traffic and love from your fellow authors. Trust me, this is one of the best things you will ever do. 😀
    Wonderful excerpt as well, can’t wait to read more!
    – Sabrina

  2. This is a great first snippet! So glad you could join 🙂 I really like the imagery here, and even though it’s out of context I still get enough of it to feel invested already. I can’t wait to see more!

    • Glad it makes sense! I know the whole back-story, so it makes sense to me, lol. The fire symbolizes passion, which can be used for good or evil. Zack is the archetypal hero while Cloud is an anti-hero, but Cloud is a stronger character in many ways than Zack. Thanks for the comment 🙂

  3. Welcome to wewriwa, so glad you decided to join us. Your eight peaked my curiosity and have me looking forward to next week. The first paragraph is lovely.

  4. Nice! Your writing is so fluid–with tons of beautiful detail. But the details never bog down the reading flow. Nice,one line, seamless inclusion of backstory. Good 8! Welcome to wewriwa. We’re so glad to have you here! 🙂

    • I’ve been writing for a few years, and I work hard on trying to make my prose lyrical and picturesque. I don’t always succeed XD I’m glad you enjoyed it ^^ Thanks for the comment 😀

    • I’m glad it made sense 😀 Cloud’s POV is coming up after the next 8 lines, and that’s not going to make sense, but it’s not supposed to XD He’s not very lucid, so he’s assimilating things from the real world into nightmares. There’s more to it than that, but I’ll explain when the time comes. Thanks for the lovely comment 😀

    • The next few lines give a bit more of a backstory to Sephiroth. He’s one of the antagonists, but he used to be one of the good guys. I’m glad you enjoyed the imagery 🙂 Thank you for the kind words 😀

    • Thank you for the comment, it was definitely thought provoking! I had to think about this. . . Do you mean 2-D as in the mad scientist is all evil? Or do you mean 2-D as in he was torturing them and experimenting on them for no reason? Or do you mean 2-D as in he’s a mad scientist stereotype without a back-story? There’s a reason he was experimenting on them. He’s like the Nazi doctors at Auschwitz. There was a purpose for what he was doing, it just wasn’t ethical. Without going into the full backstory I can’t really explain why he chose Cloud and Zack, and why he did what he did. There are several antagonists in this story, Sephiroth, the mad scientist, and the ShinRa infantry. Several members of ShinRa’s infantry, and Sephiroth are fully fleshed out with an elaborate backstory. I actually have written from the POV of Sephiroth and some of the guys in ShinRa’s infantry. I want the reader to bond with some of the men in ShinRa’s infantry because Zack and Cloud used to be part of it, and I like to blur the lines between good and evil. The ShinRa infantry is trying to find and destroy Zack and Cloud because they are proof of ShinRa’s malevolence. I have not written from the POV of Hojo. I don’t know that he plays a huge role in this story. He does and he doesn’t. The only scenes with him are flashbacks and nightmares. I mean he’s a narcissistic pyschopath. He starts off trying to help this company, ShinRa, by creating superhumans (part of the SOLDIER program) so they can win the war, but by the time he gets to Zack and Cloud, his morals and ethics have devolved. Well, there’s another component to his hatred of Zack and Cloud, but not sure if I should reveal that XD As a narrator I would have a hard time being empathetic to him. It’s something to think about. I think the great villains are the ones readers can empathize with. Readers can empathize with Sephiroth, but not Hojo. Not sure if this reply answers anything XD I think I might still be confused?

  5. Strong description and intriguing story questions raised here. Given that this is fantasy, I am curious if the fire you talk about is metaphorical (which would be usual in a real setting) or an actual/magical variety.

  6. First off, welcome to the WeWriWa community, hope to see much more of you and your writing.

    Loved the first paragraph, so descriptive and yet foreboding. The only confusion I have, does this character have some form of mind-reading ability? I wonder about his ability to see the “inner light” that Cloud has. I look forward to reading next week to learn more about the fire’s importance.

    • Thank you so much for the comment 😀 No, they don’t have mind-reading capabilities, but they do have magic ones, sort of. Without giving the whole story away, I can kind of tell you why Zack sees an inner-spark in Cloud. Zack is in the SOLDIER program, ShinRa’s elite infantry division. Cloud never made it. Zack is the archetypal hero while Cloud is a self-deprecating anti-hero, which partly explains why they are friends. And Cloud is not really motivated by altruism like Zack is, but it’s more out of revenge. So Cloud is like Sephiroth (one of the primary antagonists) in a way that he could be either good or bad depending on the circumstances. Sephiroth was one of the good guys before he had a psychotic break. After Cloud was tortured and experimented on for several years by the mad scientist that works for ShinRa, he gets PTSD, which could drive him over the edge. Cloud is the sort that gets knocked down, and gets right back up. He goes to hell and back several times, but he never gives up. After spending several years with Cloud, I think Zack can see it, and it’s kind of a foreshadowing of future events. That’s all I can say without giving it away XD

  7. I loved your snippet. You definitely didn’t do anything wrong 🙂

    I just joined last weekend and everyone is very welcoming! Can’t wait to read your next installment.

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

  8. Pingback: Weekend Writing Warriors #2 | The Paper Butterfly

  9. Pingback: Weekend Warriors #5 | The Paper Butterfly

    • Oh, it’s a fanfic XD I can’t ever publish it, and I removed it from fanfiction.net when I left for a variety of reasons. . . I have the whole thing, 200k words, but it’s 2/3 done, and I’m never going to finish it because I left the fandom. It’s a shame too because the ending was going to be epic. I had created a few original characters and wove their story into the canon storyline. Yeah, I had no concept of how long that actually was til recently. It was my first creative writing endeavor, so the whole thing is a hot mess as well :$ The excerpts I’ve used are from the later chapters. The ones in the beginning are pretty bad XD I’m glad it’s interesting though, lol. It was one of the most popular stories in the fandom for my pairing, Cloud and Zack (friendship). I was sad to take it down, but I was being cyberbullied badly, and it was the best way to put an end to it.

      The only thing I’m writing currently are short stories, and I can’t post those on my blog because I want to submit them to literary magazines :/ I can post them a few months after publication assuming they get published, lol. I could always message you my short stories if you’d like. If you want to read them send me an e-mail at thepaperbutterfly@yahoo.com and I’ll send it to you. You don’t have to read them. My feelings won’t be hurt either way 😉 They are written with similar prose. I only have two so far because they are taking forever to revise XD Well, one needs a major overhaul, so I have just one short story that’s readable now, lol. I’d like to write an original fiction fantasy novel in the future, but I’m trying to fix some of my weaknesses before I embark on another massive project.

      Thanks again, comments like these are really encouraging 😀

      • Yes, I read from a few of your previous posts where you mentioned why you left fanfiction.net! Lately, I’ve been working on a dystopian novel – I can picture the entire story so well in my mind, and the start was epic too! But I think I’m on more of a standstill lately 😦
        I would LOVE to read your stories – my email is nirvanaspocketful@gmail.com. Could you email them to me there?
        The fanfiction, which book is it of? And I love stories about friendship. I’ve been reading way too many boy meets girl lately. Every other book seems to have it 😀 Good old friendship would be a lovely and much-needed change from that 😀
        I get kind of glum sometimes. I got this amazing idea lately, but it only turned out that some of it was incorporated into another story so it would look like I was plagiarizing. Incidentally, it happened to be the Lunar Chronicles. I had pictured a world where Earth was crowded with almost as many androids as humans, robots with personality chips – and then CInder comes along 😛
        But it WAS an amazingly epi read and waiting for the next book to come out is SO HARD! 😀 😀

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