I think most people following this blog know that I came from fanfiction and created a new pen-name for my original fiction. I started creative writing five years ago when my health deteriorated. I found fanfiction, and it opened up a new world for me. When I started this blog I had the intention of doing both, but after the last attack (a 2,000 word review attacking me, my writing, and my health) I decided to leave. It shattered my heart, and the urge to starve myself was so strong. I’m a former anorexic, and I’ve been in remission for two years. When I’m in really toxic situations, my demons resurface, and I start starving myself to cope. That’s when I knew I had to leave. It wasn’t just that attack. I have been bullied for months by another fanfic author (Writer X) and her friends. They had been doing whatever they could to destroy me, usually carrying out public attacks to try to convince their readers and mine that I was a horrible and evil person. She doesn’t like me because she plagiarized my story and another author’s, and I told her that wasn’t nice. Despite ignoring them (I never said anything about these people publicly), their hate and obsession escalated. I lost seven pounds in the attack before the last one, and I’m already underweight.
I had spent five years in that fandom, much longer than Writer X and her friends, and I had one of the most popular stories of my pairing. So much of my identity was tied to my old pen-name and stories. It felt like my world was ending when Writer X and her friends carried out their multiple attacks. I have cried so many tears over this fandom drama in the past few months, and the negative energy seeped into my stories. It felt like pulling teeth to write each one. I had to start over in original fiction, but I’m glad that I did because I’m really enjoying it. I had been wanting to write original fiction for a while, but it was uncharted territory, and I was kind of scared to fail. I don’t know that I would have made the jump to original fiction if I wasn’t pushed out of my fandom, so something very good came out of this fandom drama. I feel like that caterpillar who thought the world was ending, but I turned into a butterfly 🙂 Now, the sky is the limit!
My last pen-name was pretty cute actually. I’m not sure how I come across on this blog, but I’m usually a very cheerful, happy, and talkative person. I love to laugh as well, and I feel like my old pen-name reflected that. I guess “The Paper Butterfly” is a bit cute too. I picked it for a few reasons. I feel like in the past five years I have undergone a metamorphosis. Not only has my writing changed considerably, but I have grown a lot as a person through my health issues and the friends I made. Also, butterflies are fragile, and I am fragile emotionally and physically. My body is held together by defective collagen because I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I have become much stronger as a person and a writer, but I will never completely get rid of the perpetual self-hate. Although I keep trying. So yeah, it feels kind of weird because my close friends that I made from fanfic refer to me as an abbreviation of my old pen-name XD I’m going by Butterfly now. It feels kind of weird, but I’ll get used to it over time 🙂