Gaping Black Hole Analogy — It Sounded Better in My Head XD

So I was editing my suicide story, and I was adding stuff to the beginning.  For some reason I got the idea of his grief being like a supernova, core collapse followed by an explosion and then turning into a black hole.  I talked to Friend A about it, and she said it sounded awkward.  So then I fixed it to where his heart disintegrated and a gaping hole was left behind.  Then she told me that was worse XD  I reread it and totally understood what she was saying.  That’s not the image I wanted :$  I reworded the whole thing.  I’m so thankful for Friend A.  She’s a lot more practical than I am, so that helps a lot because I get carried away with imagery.

Also, I decided not to ever look back at my Fanfiction profile.  Last time I looked was this past Sunday.  Two people left more hateful reviews since that long one.  One was the writer that plagiarized my story, and the other was a friend of hers.  Actually the writer that plagiarized me accused me of plagiarizing her, which is ridiculous since my story was 95% complete by the time she even started writing XD  I was so upset I could barely function last Sunday.  Friend A had been filtering through it for me.  This whole week I have been fighting negative feelings.  They seep into my thoughts like sewage dumped directly into the ocean.  I’ll be thinking about something else, and then my brain switches back to the fanfiction drama, and I have to stop what I’m doing and watch something happy to dilute the toxic thoughts.  I talked to Friend A and we agreed it was best to not look back.  It isn’t healthy for me, and by letting them upset me, I’m giving them what they want.  It’s very hard for me to let go of something I was so proud of and watch it turn into an effigy of hate.  That’s why I can’t watch.  I can’t control what they do, and I really don’t want to be angry anymore.  Much easier said than done!


10 thoughts on “Gaping Black Hole Analogy — It Sounded Better in My Head XD

    • Yes, you are very right. The negative feelings have been eating me up for months. I lost 7 pounds in the attack before last, and the urge to starve myself was so bad with this most recent attack (a 2,000 word flame on my story attacking me, my health, writing, and story). That’s when I decided to leave. But the negative feelings are still very strong so I’ve been watching lots of funny and happy things. If I don’t return I know they will grow weaker with time. Lots and lots of cat videos XD

      • Those work very well. As do certain comedy shows from the 60’s and 70’s. Don’t worry, what they did doesn’t change the ability you have, or what you can do with words. Someday they’ll get into a situation that will actually call for words of their own, and when they can’t produce them, they’ll be found out.

  1. It’s good that you’re managing to stay away from the negative people in your life. I understand what you mean about the negativity that keeps coming back. But I believe that you can one day surpass that 🙂 I use to be depressed (in middle school, early high school) and sometimes when I felt like I wasn’t feeling depressed anymore, I would slip back into that state of mind. It definitely takes patience and resilience, but that can all be built with time. I agree with Justina and you and that watching funny/comedy things helps, and only being surrounded by positive people and energy. It really makes a difference. What I did was read lots of self-help books, some I hated and some I loved. It’s all a process. 🙂 But you’re going strong, and keep at it 🙂

    • Thank you for such a thoughtful reply :$ Yeah, I was bullied a lot in middle school and had suicidal thoughts :/ It took me many years to get over it, but now I am. I didn’t go to my highschool reunion because I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t feel the need to show anyone up or impress them with my doctorate from a prestigious school. I just didn’t care XD I’m glad you are doing better as well. It’s very hard in highschool because you can’t escape it like you can on the internet. I should try some self-help books. It certainly wouldn’t hurt 😉 I’m also thinking of trying to go back to therapy. I’m dealing with a lot of family issues at the moment, and it’s just been a bit overwhelming lately. Yes, I think over time I will forget about it as long as I don’t return to my profile 🙂 I’ve been watching lots of Jenna Marbles, Jimmy Kimmel, Youtubers React, funny cat videos, etc. It’s much better than being upset!

      • You’re right! You don’t need to impress them. I haven’t been to a high school reunion yet, but I guess it’s like the movies, where people try to impress each other about their lives. It’s admirable that you can remove yourself from those situations that make you feel negative 🙂 Therapy seems like a great option too-it can’t hurt, right? It’ll be nice to talk to a neutral perspective and get everything off your chest 🙂 I hope things with your family work out. Haha, youtube always does seem to help me too. Especially those cat videos haha I love them.

  2. Have you seen the “Henri the cat” videos? The first two are the funniest. It’s about a cat having an existential crisis XD It’s a parody of film noir as well.
    Henri Part 1:
    Henri Part 2:

    Maru is pretty funny:

    Big Cat Rescue (exotic cat rescue sanctuary) has some cute videos:

    It’s so cute how all cats love turkey, even the big ferocious tigers :3 My cats go crazy for turkey and tuna even though they wouldn’t be able to catch those things in the wild XD

  3. Thank you for sharing these videos! I loved the Henri videos, they’re so funny and Maru is just adorable! It’s so interesting how all the cats love turkey! I have to try and see if my cat likes turkey haha I never tried feeding her any. Also, this is a video I enjoy a lot: it’s basically a compilation of cats in funny, awkward sleeping positions haha

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