I blacked out my husband’s face because he doesn’t want to appear on my blog XD So today is my 7th wedding anniversary. I actually got married pretty young. I was in my early 20s, just before I started grad school. I don’t think any marriage is easy. I know ours hasn’t been. I was relatively healthy when we got married. I think when most people say, “For Better or Worse,” as part of their wedding vows they don’t really understand what they are committing to. When we got married, I had no idea that two years later my joints would start rapidly deteriorating and I would relapse into anorexia. I was not the same person my husband married mentally or physically. Every year my health kept getting worse, and I didn’t even have a diagnosis for what was wrong.
It’s definitely not easy to live with someone that has a chronic illness. To say that it’s hard on a relationship would be an understatement, and I don’t mean to undermine his struggles. He had to give up some of his dreams for me, and there was a period where he had to mourn the loss of what our relationship used to be. I’ve seen so many men leave their wives or girlfriends because they have hip problems or Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and they just can’t deal with it. It’s really tough. I feel lucky that I married a man that loved me even when I didn’t love myself. I’ll give him a fake Japanese name, Haru, to protect his identity. He isn’t perfect, and he’s been a jerk at times, but so have I. I think loving someone in spite of their flaws is part of what makes a relationship stand the test of time. We are all inherently flawed because it’s the nature of humanity. But in a good relationship (friendship, sibling, romantic) both people bring out the best in each other, and it’s a win-win situation.
We’ve both grown a lot in the past seven years of our marriage and for the better. A few months ago a geneticist diagnosed me with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a genetic disorder causing defective collagen. My husband finally realized I wasn’t being melodramatic about my health, and that I have debilitating chronic pain. He finally made the effort to try to understand. We hardly fight now even though we are still dealing with a lot of difficult things, such as cultural barriers, intimacy issues (having bad hips makes that difficult), and my massive student loan debt from grad school. And then there are things we used to take for granted, like bowling, camping, exercising, hiking, walking, and traveling. It’s difficult for me to do these things because my body is so fragile. But we watch movies together and play video games, which we both enjoy. We are nice to each other, and we both thank each other when we do the chores. I do most of them currently because I’m not working, but he still thanks me for cooking dinner and doing the dishes. I thank him when he does chores as well. Also, my health is on the upswing now, so we’re both pretty thrilled about that and the fact I can work soon 8D
Anyway, this post is supposed to be about how we met XD I’ve mentioned before that I have a soft spot in my heart for Asian guys, especially Japanese men. It’s ironic given my height of 6’0″, lol. For those that are curious, my husband is only an inch shorter than me, so he’s pretty tall for a Japanese guy. I was taking a Japanese language class at the time. We both went to the same community college. I was in the cafeteria and saw him sitting at the counter with a friend. He was wearing an orange shirt and blue windbreaker pants. I am actually really shy around people I don’t know. So I put my Japanese language book on top of the stuff I was carrying, and sat down next to him, hoping he would notice. I pretended to study. Within like 30 seconds he struck up a conversation with me. I think his opening line was, “Are you taking Japanese?” XD We really hit it off despite the fact that his English wasn’t that great at the time, and my ability to speak Japanese was almost non-existent. He’s fluent in both now, but I can’t imagine how hard it was for him to move to another country, and take college classes in a foreign language.
He was such a nice guy and treated me like a princess while we were dating. We were friends for a bit, and finally we started going out. I think he told me he loved me about a week after we started dating XD He was my first boyfriend since I didn’t date anyone in high school. I ended up breaking up with him shortly after I transferred to UC Berkeley. He was at another college, so our relationship turned into a long distance one. I was changing so much at the time and didn’t know what I wanted. I was recovering from my anorexia only to develop hypothyroidism (which was diagnosed 2 years later). We remained friends, but he was still very hurt. He was looking to move because there were too many memories of me here, and he couldn’t take it. I’m tearing up talking about this ;____; I went out with several guys at UC Berkeley, most of them jerks. I really missed Haru, and we rekindled our romance. Within like 2-3 months of getting back together we got engaged, and six months later we were married. His mother was worried about our marriage, and I completely understood. She had only met me once in Japan, and I was anorexic, so I was struggling with my own demons at the time. His family is so loving and caring. I knew she just wanted what was best for her son. She has been very caring and supportive since our marriage. I wish his family lived closer so I could spend the holidays with them :$
So yeah, that’s it. I wouldn’t have had a problem meeting guys on Match.com. I did try eHarmony while me and Haru were broken up, and it said that they couldn’t find anyone compatible for me. My roommate and I laughed so hard at that XDDDDDDD I definitely feel lucky to be married to Haru. I’m writing him a card, and we are going out to dinner tonight. I’m looking forward to it 😀 We don’t usually get each other gifts. Sometimes we do, but it’s usually something small. I don’t really need a gift from him to prove how much he loves me. The fact that cleaned the cats’ litterbox for 10 weeks while I was recovering from my last hip surgery proves it XD
A recent picture of me and Haru