Combating the Negativity with Positivity

I still continue to have flashbacks of the fanfic cyberbullying that went on for months, and it’s extremely vivid.  I’ve been trying my hardest not to think about it, but the thoughts come unbidden, and I have to drown them out with HAPPY songs and/or TV, Youtube videos, chatting with friends, etc.  I’ve been cyberbullied before, but I have never been the focus of such unadulterated hatred.  It’s terrifying.  My mom told me she’s glad the woman doesn’t know my address because she’s scared she might try to hurt me.  She lives in another state, so I think I’m safe.  Hopefully.  The bigger danger is the fact that she knows my legal name because I beta-read for her a long time ago.  No good deed goes unpunished I suppose. . .  I deleted my profile and stories to help put a stop to it all.  Hopefully this is where it ends.  I really should see a therapist, but I also need to see a high-risk OB (due to EDS), spine surgeon (need a cortisone shot because I have degenerative disc disease due to EDS), PT (due to hip surgery), and my primary care doctor (medication management).  I’m getting to it, I just have to chip away at things one by one.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to keep the focus on positive things.  I’ve also done a lot of deep cleaning around our house because it makes my husband happy.  I kind of enjoy cleaning if I’m listening to music.  I would cook more, but I haven’t been able to get to the grocery store, so I just give my husband a short list.  If it’s really long he complains about it XD  I love to cook and so does my husband.  He’s on a diet right now though, so he prefers that I only cook low calorie food.  I’m thinking about making chili this weekend, which isn’t too high calorie.  I make it with half the meat called for in the recipe.  I found a really good chili recipe on Chili Recipe.  I’ve been making it for years now.  It’s the only chili my husband will eat.  Being Japanese it’s not really a food he was exposed to until he was in America, but he really loves this one.  I’ve altered it a bit to suit my taste, but the original recipe is awesome too.

The other day when I went into the pharmacy I saw a homeless guy with his puppy asking for money.  I went into the pharmacy bought some canned dog food (pull-top so a can opener isn’t needed), water, gatorade, and candy bars for them.  I got things that were on sale because I’m cheap like that :$  Candy bars have a lot of calories and are easy to carry.  When I came back out of the pharmacy they were gone.  *sigh*  But I had other errands to run, so I came back and found them again.  His puppy was so sweet and well fed too.  Most dogs of homeless people are really well fed.  Usually, their dog is their only real friend in the world, so they treat them good.  Dogs aren’t judgmental either.  The homeless man was really sweet and gave me a hug.  His puppy had to smell me because I smelled like cat XD  During the fall/winter I’ll get a bag of dogfood and carry it around in my car so if I see him again I can give it to him.  I’ll buy some snacks at Walmart and keep them in my trunk.

But it was a reminder that the positives in life ultimately outweigh the negatives.  There are a lot of things I can’t control, but there are positive things I can do to override the negativity.  When I was younger it was easier to ignore homeless people.  I thought perhaps they had done something to deserve it.  But I’ve become a lot less judgmental since my health deteriorated.  If I wasn’t married and didn’t have a family it could have been me.

Also, I replaced the dead plants with new ones.  When I had my last hip surgery, the cat-sitter and my husband took care of the plants for me.  Let’s just say my husband does not have a green thumb XD  And I shouldn’t be critical about it because if it weren’t for them I would have no garden, but some of the plants died from pests and/or over or underwatering.  The perennials, like the roses, were doing okay.  It was the petunias and a few other annuals that died. There is something beautiful and positive about nurturing plants.  I also planted some cat grass for the kitties, which they have been enjoying.  I started gardening last year, but I tripled our number of plants this year.  Potted plants tend to be fickle.  I learned a lot this year, so hopefully I don’t kill as many plants next year.  Here are some pictures of my plants.

 Plants Before My Surgery

photo 2 (1)

 Roses and a Hydrangea

photo 4

 Petunias and a bushy plant I don’t know the name of XD

photo 3 (1)



New Plants to Replace the Dead Ones

photo 1


photo 2


photo 3

Calibrichoa aka Mini-petunias

8 thoughts on “Combating the Negativity with Positivity

  1. I know this comment shouldn’t be here but ACID BLACK CHERRY OMG A JROCKER FAN IN MUTUAL FOLLOW I WAS SO SURE IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN! *crazy from excitement*
    Your music taste is sublime!

    • Commenting about Yasu anywhere on my blog is not only appreciated but encouraged XD *fangirls with you* Actually this post was about focusing on positive things, so it actually fits X3 It was one of my best friends that got me into it. Her favorite is Buck-Tick while mine is Yasu. His first band was Janne da Arc. Here’s baby Yasu :3

      They disbanded and he formed a solo project, Acid Black Cherry. I also like Hyde in Vamps and L’arc en Ciel, Dir en Grey, and some of Alice Nine. Dir en Grey actually did an American tour, and I was lucky that I got to see them. I had to take my sister because my husband refused u_u Actually my two closest friends are into Jrock 8D We met through fanfiction, but have similar interests. Most everyone else doesn’t understand :$

  2. Lol at you two up there with the J rock. I’m a big pillows fan if that counts. Good on you with helping that homeless guy. *three thumbs up* (may have gotten a big toe in on the action)

    • Okay, I googled, “Big Pillows,” and got nothing. Then I realized the name was “The Pillows,” and you were a big fan XD They’re definitely Jrock, although they came in the era before the androgynous look became really popular. It was Buck-Tick that helped pave the way for the beautiful androgynous man. I’ll check them out 😀 Not sure if you’ve listened to Dir en Grey, but they are a heavy metal band. I like their ballads more than the screaming ones, or whatever it’s called. I’m sure there is a more technical term for it, lol. I guess I’m more of a soft metal fan if there is such a thing XD

      Do you and your wife have similar music tastes? The only thing my husband and I can agree on is American pop music XD The only concert we’ve been to was a Radiohead one. That was more like my dad, me, and my sister wanting to go and my husband tagged along, but he enjoyed it. There was a Wheezer/30 Seconds to Mars one I wanted to go to this summer, but it was too soon after my hip surgery. I don’t care for Wheezer but I love 30 Seconds to Mars. It has nothing to do with the fact that Jared Leto is so pretty 8D.

      He likes Jpop, but because I’m so obsessed with Jrock he doesn’t like it. I like Jpop too, not as much as Kpop though. This is one of the most popular Jpop singers now: If you compare it to Kpop you’ll see how different it is.

  3. Lovely! You have a fantastic garden! 😀 I have a terrible black thumb. Whenever I though a plant, BAD THINGS HAPPEN. Except for when I have cactus. Then you can never forget to water them 😛

    And you’re right. Combat the negatives with positives! I call myself a pessioptimist, whatever that is, and that’s exactly what I mean by it 😀

    (Ack, sorry for the lack of comments! School must come before blogging. 😦 Although school is fun. 😀 )

    • My husband has a black thumb too, lol. I learned a lo this year, and I’m thankful my roses are doing well. My mom loved to garden, and both my sister and I do as well 🙂

      I love that word, pessioptomist! It’s not a real one, but it should be 😉

      Yes, definitely focus on school first! Then if you have extra time write. And then if you have some more time blog, or do something else fun 🙂 I’m glad you’re enjoying school ^^ I enjoyed many of my classes too. I enjoy learning. I never liked tests though, but without them I doubt I would have studied so hard 😛 College was even more fun because of the specialized classes. Well some of it was fun, other classes weren’t. Once I start working I’m going to have to cut down on blogging too. C’est la vie, lol. There’s never enough time in a day!

  4. I think your garden is pretty! I’m not the best gardener (thankfully, I have had better luck with keeping pets and children alive 🙂 ) Negativity is so destructive, and seems to be pervasive… combating that with a positive attitude can be a lot of work at times, but it is worth it. (I certainly don’t want to be dragged down to the negative level!)

    • Yes, you are right Janna 🙂 When I stopped and asked myself why I remained in the fandom, I realized the negatives clearly outweighed the positives. My only regret was not leaving sooner. I’m much happier now ^^ Being in a negative space is really toxic so I’m glad I’m out of it 😀

      Flowers are finicky little snowflakes, kind of like cats XD I learned a lot this year through trial and error. It helped give me another positive thing to focus on. It’s pretty warm where I live so the roses, fuchsia, hydrangea, and potentially the impatiens, will live through the winter 🙂 I grow cat grass for the kitties as well so that they don’t eat my plants D: I’m more worried about them because most plants are toxic for cats. I stay away from the super toxic ones, like foxglove, but eating a slightly poisonous plant is still bad. It’s mostly a problem with my boy kitty. He likes to gnaw on everything XD A friend and I joke he was probably a dog in another life 😛 This is why I can’t keep real houseplants in the house, and they are only outside on the patio under my supervision. I don’t want Pumpkin to get really sick.

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