I still continue to have flashbacks of the fanfic cyberbullying that went on for months, and it’s extremely vivid. I’ve been trying my hardest not to think about it, but the thoughts come unbidden, and I have to drown them out with HAPPY songs and/or TV, Youtube videos, chatting with friends, etc. I’ve been cyberbullied before, but I have never been the focus of such unadulterated hatred. It’s terrifying. My mom told me she’s glad the woman doesn’t know my address because she’s scared she might try to hurt me. She lives in another state, so I think I’m safe. Hopefully. The bigger danger is the fact that she knows my legal name because I beta-read for her a long time ago. No good deed goes unpunished I suppose. . . I deleted my profile and stories to help put a stop to it all. Hopefully this is where it ends. I really should see a therapist, but I also need to see a high-risk OB (due to EDS), spine surgeon (need a cortisone shot because I have degenerative disc disease due to EDS), PT (due to hip surgery), and my primary care doctor (medication management). I’m getting to it, I just have to chip away at things one by one.
Anyway, I’ve been trying to keep the focus on positive things. I’ve also done a lot of deep cleaning around our house because it makes my husband happy. I kind of enjoy cleaning if I’m listening to music. I would cook more, but I haven’t been able to get to the grocery store, so I just give my husband a short list. If it’s really long he complains about it XD I love to cook and so does my husband. He’s on a diet right now though, so he prefers that I only cook low calorie food. I’m thinking about making chili this weekend, which isn’t too high calorie. I make it with half the meat called for in the recipe. I found a really good chili recipe on Allrecipes.com: Chili Recipe. I’ve been making it for years now. It’s the only chili my husband will eat. Being Japanese it’s not really a food he was exposed to until he was in America, but he really loves this one. I’ve altered it a bit to suit my taste, but the original recipe is awesome too.
The other day when I went into the pharmacy I saw a homeless guy with his puppy asking for money. I went into the pharmacy bought some canned dog food (pull-top so a can opener isn’t needed), water, gatorade, and candy bars for them. I got things that were on sale because I’m cheap like that :$ Candy bars have a lot of calories and are easy to carry. When I came back out of the pharmacy they were gone. *sigh* But I had other errands to run, so I came back and found them again. His puppy was so sweet and well fed too. Most dogs of homeless people are really well fed. Usually, their dog is their only real friend in the world, so they treat them good. Dogs aren’t judgmental either. The homeless man was really sweet and gave me a hug. His puppy had to smell me because I smelled like cat XD During the fall/winter I’ll get a bag of dogfood and carry it around in my car so if I see him again I can give it to him. I’ll buy some snacks at Walmart and keep them in my trunk.
But it was a reminder that the positives in life ultimately outweigh the negatives. There are a lot of things I can’t control, but there are positive things I can do to override the negativity. When I was younger it was easier to ignore homeless people. I thought perhaps they had done something to deserve it. But I’ve become a lot less judgmental since my health deteriorated. If I wasn’t married and didn’t have a family it could have been me.
Also, I replaced the dead plants with new ones. When I had my last hip surgery, the cat-sitter and my husband took care of the plants for me. Let’s just say my husband does not have a green thumb XD And I shouldn’t be critical about it because if it weren’t for them I would have no garden, but some of the plants died from pests and/or over or underwatering. The perennials, like the roses, were doing okay. It was the petunias and a few other annuals that died. There is something beautiful and positive about nurturing plants. I also planted some cat grass for the kitties, which they have been enjoying. I started gardening last year, but I tripled our number of plants this year. Potted plants tend to be fickle. I learned a lot this year, so hopefully I don’t kill as many plants next year. Here are some pictures of my plants.
Plants Before My Surgery
Roses and a Hydrangea
Petunias and a bushy plant I don’t know the name of XD
New Plants to Replace the Dead Ones
Calibrichoa aka Mini-petunias