Weekend Writing Warriors #8

wewriwa

This weekend I’m participating in a blog hop known as Weekend Writing Warriors.  A bunch of writers share 8 sentences from a story they are writing or have written.  If you would like to participate, here is the link: http://www.wewriwa.com/  This snippet is a continuation of last week’s where Zack develops amnesia after the alien, Jenova, takes over his brain.

***

Zack awoke to a blinding light overhead, burning his eyes. For a second he thought he had died, and the yellow-tinged light was guiding him towards the Lifestream, but a sharp, throbbing headache brought him crashing back to reality. Metal bars stood defiantly at the front of the cell, and across from him was a man sleeping on a flimsy cot with a blanket thin as a sheet. The room reeked of sweat and urine, which permeated the air and the walls surrounding them, as if the foundation of the building were terror itself.

He was no longer in solitary confinement, but in another sort of prison alongside a companion, a simple luxury he now appreciated.  Hell was not a place of fire and brimstone, but a void with nothing but sorrow, a place so empty he could hear the echo of his thoughts.

Zack sat on the edge of his bed, watching the man across from him, thrashing and moaning, as if he were running away from something horrific in his dream.  Despite having no memory of this man, he knew him, and could not imagine a world in which he did not exist.

***

I just got a job so I’m not too sure how much longer I will be doing this.  But it’s fun, so hopefully I’ll still have the time 🙂

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18 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors #8

    • Glad you enjoyed it Joyce 🙂 Yeah the sense of “smell” is often neglected in writing. It helps bring a scene to life. Of course, it’s not always applicable, but it’s often overlooked. I’ll have to be more efficient with my time so that I can still write. I spend a lot of time procrastinating :$

  1. This sentence gave me the chills: “Hell was not a place of fire and brimstone, but a void with nothing but sorrow, a place so empty he could hear the echo of his thoughts.” This was a really powerful piece of description.

    Congrats on the job! Hope you still have a bit of time to write..

    • About this line, ““Hell was not a place of fire and brimstone, but a void with nothing but sorrow, a place so empty he could hear the echo of his thoughts.” I think the first part of that line was inspired, but the second half took quite a bit of rewriting XD I like the way it turned out 🙂 Thanks for the comment ^^

    • Oh, Zack has amnesia. Technically an alien wiped out his memories, but the end result is the same thing XD He’s in a cell with his best friend, so he feels connected to him even though he can’t recall him in his conscious memory. Thanks for the comment Millie ^^

  2. Best wishes on the new job! Loved the details in the excerpt – you do such a great job of writing from the POV of a man who’s lost his memory yet retains some things he just “knows”. I loved the phrase “as if the foundation of the building were terror itself”…Great excerpt!

    • Yeah, this chapter was hard to write. I referred to him as not-Zack because he wasn’t Zack, but he still kind of was XD I like that phrase too Veronica, “as if the foundation of the building were terror itself.” I’ve changed the former half of that sentence several times though. Not sure how I feel about this version, lol. Thanks for the comment 🙂

  3. Congrats on the new job!

    I liked this part: The room reeked of sweat and urine, which permeated the air and the walls surrounding them, as if the foundation of the building were terror itself. It had me saying EW out loud as I read it.

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