I’m Still Alive, Well Kind of. . .

I underestimated how draining work would be.  I guess it’s safe enough to reveal my profession.  I’m a pharmacist, which requires a Bachelor’s Degree + Doctorate in Pharmacy, so I was in college for 9 years.  I was able to attain my license post-graduation, but I wasn’t able to work until now due to multiple hip surgeries.  I’m lucky to have a job that I enjoy, but to say it’s stressful would be an understatement XD

The first month was awful because I haven’t worked in 3 years, so I had 10 days of training to become as good as a seasoned pharmacist.  Needless to say I fell short.  I’m a perfectionist, so it was difficult for me to not be good.  I was almost fired because I wasn’t competent enough, so for the past two months I spent most of my free time studying or cleaning the house to work off my anxiety from work.  I’m not going to go into detail about my job for moral, ethical, and professional reasons, but retail pharmacy is much more difficult than it looks from the outside.

My chronic pain from multiple degenerating joints subsequently worsened my post-work exhaustion.  My right hip was fixed and six months post-op it’s about 50% better.  I heal slowly due to EDS, so it will take 2-3 years for a full recovery.  My spine is causing the most pain currently.   Right now I’m trying to get a cortisone shot into my lower back.  I got one in my neck in 2011 and it really helped.  I have spondylosis in both my neck and my lower back.  You have to space out the coritsone shots though.  It’s not bad enough for surgery yet, but in about 10 years it will be.  This has been going on for a while so I’m not upset about it anymore.  There’s no point because I have little control over my health issues.  I have defective collagen, and nothing I do will fix that.  I also recently developed Raynaud’s, another symptom of EDS.  Basically your fingers go numb and tingly because your blood vessels spasm.  It’s usually triggered by the cold, so I have to wear a sweater if it’s under 75 degrees.  I also have episodic bouts of hypoglycemia related to the dysautonomia caused by EDS, so I always carry sugary candy with me.  I’ve dealt with that for years, but it got much worse when I started working.

I also have been fighting my health insurance over my last hip surgery, and I recently won the appeal.  It only took six months, a pro bono attorney, seeing 12 hip surgeons, calling over 80 ortho surgeons within a 30 mile radius of my home, and hours and hours of research.  My final appeal was about 200 pages long XD  I exhausted the appeals process for Anthem Blue Cross, so I submitted it to my state’s department of managed health care, and it was overturned 8D

After work I was so mentally, physically, and emotionally spent  that I withdrew from friends, writing, and reading fiction.  I missed it, but at the same time I was too exhausted to care.  Things are improving now, and this week I recently started reading Cloud Atlas.  The prose is beautiful, so I’m enjoying it so far.  Not quite sure where the story is headed and how all six stories interlink.  *Must resist temptation to read the synopsis on Wikipedia*

I’m happy that I have a job though because I needed to start paying down my student loans.  Now we are financially sound enough to have a baby whereas when I was unemployed we weren’t.  I saw a high risk gynecologist to discuss various health issues that I have due to both EDS and my multiple hip surgeries.  I may write a post on it later.  But the gynecologist was really awesome and encouraging 🙂  It’s hard to explain, but I’ve wanted kids for a looooong time.  My hips are so much better now. My husband and I have discussed trying to get pregnant early next year.

Anyway, I missed writing, reading, blogging, reading other blogs, etc.  Looking forward to getting back into it again 🙂

8 thoughts on “I’m Still Alive, Well Kind of. . .

  1. Hi. Glad to hear you’re ok. Good luck with trying for a baby. Children bring you lots of sleepless nights but they give you immense joy too, so all the very best. 🙂

    • Yes, babies completely change your life around. At least that is what I’ve heard XD I suppose if the decision were a logical one less babies would be born. Hard to explain, but I have an overwhelming need to love and care for a child :$ I have a rocky relationship with my parents as they are emotionally abusive (a few days after writing this my mom said something cruel that had me in tears for hours). The scary thing is that they tried to be good parents. Well my mom did. It’s only recently that my dad has turned his life around and tried to be a good father figure. I worry about the mistakes I will make. I know I’m not perfect, but hopefully I will be objective enough to learn from my own parenting failures and improve. Thank you for your kind thoughts ^^

  2. It’s great to know that you’re back :3 And kudos to you for having perhaps the most awesome post title ever XD I just had a baby sister a few months ago, and since then she’s grown so adorable and now I can’t even imagine my life without her, so I’m happy for you (Though, incidentally, that makes me the eldest of three sisters, and anyone who’s read fairy tales knows what that means…)

    • Awwwww! Glad you enjoy your new baby sister :3 I only have one sister, and she’s 1.5 years younger than me, so I don’t know what it is like to be significantly older than a sibling. I’m sure you are a great role model for them! Growing up my sister and I were close, but became distant in high school (she was popular and I wasn’t) until we both became anorexic, and we’ve been best friends ever since 🙂 We’re both in remission from anorexia as well. Although from the tales my mom has told me I wasn’t always nice to my sister when I was really little XD When I have kids I hope they are able to have a close relationship like my sister and I have 😀 Thanks again for the comment ^^

  3. Pingback: Weekend Writing Warriors #9 | The Paper Butterfly

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