Entry for Colleen’s Poetry Challenge. This is a senryu. The prompt words are guide and destination, but you can only use synonyms. I don’t know about this one. . . I tried XD The second line gave me a lot of trouble. Not sure which version sounds better >_>
sky bathed in bright light
echoes of angelic hymns
she’s finally home
sky bathed in bright light
angelic overture plays
she’s finally home
I thought I would try Colleen’s poetry challenge. One of my first times writing for a prompt. The prompt words are ambition and change, but you can only use synonyms. Haiku are so short it is hard to use those words, but I tried to represent it symbolically.
amber fireball
melts into the horizon
college dorm room view
This actually happened about two years ago, right after I took a writing hiatus. I was just writing haiku and short poems at the time. Since I knew nothing about poetry, I’m not sure what spurred my inspiration XD A poem of mine was published in a poetry magazine, Three Line Poetry, Issue 37. I write under the pen name Tessa Brant.
first freeze of winter
trees stripped down to twisted claws
sky gray as my heart
It didn’t work well as a haiku because of the metaphor, but I liked it the way it was. Haiku is a reflection of Japan, simple, understated beauty. My writing tends to be purplish, so I suck at writing haiku XD
One of the cool things about short poetry and haiku is that every word carries so much meaning. I love the simplicity of it, such a stark contrast to the way I typically write. I have a few more short poems I plan to submit to this magazine. I suppose it’s not much to brag about, but my first publication credit will always have a special place in my heart.
I want to get back to writing short stories. I submitted my short story, “A Crown of Dandelions,” to Glimmer Train awhile ago, and it was not accepted XD In hindsight, submitting my first short story to one of the most elite literature magazines was a mistake. Maybe that’s not the right word, but I was definitely aiming too high. Kind of like expecting an Oscar on your first feature film. It’s a good story, but it needs better editing. Also, it has a sci-fi vibe to it, so I’m not sure literature magazines are the best place for it. I’ll figure it out eventually. In the meantime I just need to write.
The reason for my long absence is that I had a baby. I’ve been gone for like 2 years I think? Maybe more. . . I had a hard time getting pregnant, and then the actual pregnancy was very difficult on my body because I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I also developed pre-eclampsia that necessitated an emergency C-section. I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy and dealing with that and a history of anorexia was hard. I’ve lost all the excess weight, but it’s taken almost a year.
It was all worth it though! I’ve never been more exhausted, but my heart has never felt so full. It’s cliche, but true 🙂 The desire to be a mommy was all consuming, so I put writing to the side for a bit. Now that I’m coming out of my sleep-deprived stupor, I’m trying to get back into it. I work 4 days a week, but it’s hard to get much done when I’m home with her. She demands 110% of my attention. Some days even more XD
Anyway, my daughter is 50% Japanese and 50% Caucasian. I’ll post some pics :3 We went to Japan late last year so that she could meet my husband’s family. It was a great trip. We hope to go back every other year so that our daughter can connect with her Japanese heritage. My husband is a Japanese citizen, but we live here in the USA, at least for now.
*flails* I finally did it! This is the first short story of original fiction that I’ve written, polished, and submitted to a literature magazine. I’ve mentioned it a few times on this blog as the suicide story. I’ve also referred to it as Short Story D. I’ve spent several years writing, but it was exclusively fanfiction, which can’t be published. I sent my story to Glimmer Train and will send it to a few others in the next week. The rate of acceptance for this magazine is 1/1000, so the odds are against me. I guess that’s a bit of an understatement XD I’m expecting it to get rejected, but that’s okay. The endpoint for me is becoming a good writer, and I improved so much in the process of writing and editing this story. Although, getting something published would be a nice bonus 🙂
I’d love to post the story or snippets on my blog, but I can’t because the majority of literary magazines want first publishing rights. By posting it to the internet you’ve published it, so most literary magazines won’t accept it. Although I’ve seen some in the past year that have deleted that clause from their submission guidelines. The exception is critique sites that are password locked. Glimmer Train takes blog published fiction, but many others do not, unfortunately.
I spent about a week writing the rough draft of this story and months revising it. I don’t delete anything, so with each revision I just opened a new document. There are 18 drafts XD I’ve never revised something so much. Complicating factors were the non-linear storyline and my rough transition from fanfiction to original fiction.
Now I start work on another short story. I’m not sure if I want to do the one about the little girl with an abusive father or the mother that loses her son and develops a relationship with the little girl that gets his transplanted heart. I’ll probably do the transplanted heart one because I’ve already started that one.
I took a break from blogging because I just had so many things going on in my life. I’ve taken numerous 7 day+ writing/reading hiatuses as well. I might talk about it at a later point in time. I wish my life was more stable, but it’s not and probably never will be. I’m flying to the other side of the country tomorrow to meet up with Dr. Millis, one of the best hip preservation surgeons in the world. It’s looking like my last hip surgery in May 2014 has failed. The surgery wasn’t with Dr. Millis, but I saw him in 2013 and really liked him, so I’m hoping he can help me. I’ve had 3 hip preservation surgeries at this point, so I’m hoping I can hold off on another one for 1-2 years. My right hip is still partially dislocating, which is as painful as it sounds. Did I mention how much I hate my hips XD Wait, I mean hip in the singular sense. The left one had a scope and is behaving quite nicely. My right hip is a factory reject 😦
A close friend of mine is struggling, and she’s much younger than me. For her birthday, I got her the book All the Light We Cannot See. It’s a beautiful metaphor for life. As an aside, it’s an amazing book. Anyway, I went searching for an inspirational quote to put inside the front cover, but I couldn’t find one that fit her specific situation and used light as a metaphor. So I wrote some inspiring words for her, or at least I attempted to do that XD
“During the bleakest moments we walk in the shadows, fumbling around in our search for answers. If we look hard enough we’ll find that the light is within our hearts. Sometimes it is buried under so many layers of grief and sorrow it seems an impossible task to uncover it, but it has always bee there. Never give up. Even if we can’t see it, the light flickers within, a bastion of hope in the desolate landscape of life.”
Inside of the Book Cover
I cut the names out for obvious reasons. I could probably write something better if I spent enough time on it. I just realized I used the word “within” twice. Oops XD Hopefully she likes it 🙂
I’ve been away for a bit. It’s a combination of things. I became addicted to the literary critque site Scribophile. I’m editing the umpteenth draft of my suicide story, and will then submit it to a few literature magazines. I’ve started on another short story. I’m getting an MRI + contrast/lidocaine injection on Oct. 14th. My hip surgery may have failed, and I’ve cried so many tears over it. It might not be so bad without the partial dislocations, but they are frequent, sometimes happening 4+ times a month. It’s as painful as it sounds. My husband’s family is coming over from Japan in October. I’m so excited 😀 I haven’t seen them since I hurt myself seven years ago. I’m still working full time as a retail pharmacist, which can be very stressful. My parents moved to the other side of the country, and our relationship has improved. In the midst of it all I’m trying to get pregnant XD I’ve been having issues with anxiety, but I try to just take each day as it comes. I find it helps me cope with life.
I thought I’d try writing some haikus because I love prose. I’m not a poet by any means though, so suggestions are always appreciated 🙂 I tend to be overly verbose, so I thought this would be a good challenge for me.
Haiku 1
As night advances
The sun falls on bloody knees
A final goodbye.
Haiku 2
The plip-plop of rain
Echoes throughout the garden
In tune with the frogs.
Remembrance of You
I lie in bed, eyes closed to avoid light’s jagged edge,
my mind blazing with thoughts of you.
Years have passed since I last saw you.
The features of your face are fading into a blur.
The scent of roses wafts through the air
and pervades my thoughts,
but only for a moment.
Memories tarnished by time.
Your fingers interlaced with mine.
Salty skin that smelled of patchouli and amber.
The low timbre of your voice as you said, “I love you.”
The buzz of silence is maddening, cutting into my thoughts, and my eyes snap open.
In my heart the fire still flickers, the flames licking at my sanity.
As desire swells I cannot escape
my burning passion for you.
The scent of roses turns rancid,
and my eyelids grow heavy
thinking of you.
***
I originally wrote this many years ago before I even started creative writing. I revised it recently. I’m not a poet by any means though XD If anyone has any thoughts, advice, or constructive criticism you are welcome to share 🙂 I keep going back and forth on the line “Memories tarnished by time,” and “My memories are tarnished by time.” I think the latter is grammatically correct, but it doesn’t flow as well with the rest of the poem. I love poetic prose, but poems are very different from short stories and novels. Maybe I’ll try to write some more poems in the future. Guess that means I have to incorporate some poetry into my reading.
An interesting point I’ve seen critters focus on is the importance of the opening paragraph, especially the first line. I typically give books several pages before I decide whether or not to continue reading, but I can usually tell from the first few lines whether or not I’m going to enjoy it. I thought it would be kind of fun to compile a list of opening lines from some of the books I have. Some stories have dedications on the first page or two, which is why they don’t start till the third page or so.
“When he woke in the woods in the dark and the cold of the night he’d reach out to touch the child sleeping beside him. Nights dark beyond darkness and the days more gray each one that what had gone before. Like the onset of some cold glaucoma dimming away the world. ” ~The Road (published 2006) by Cormac McCarthy, page 1.
“At dusk [leaflets] pour from the sky. They blow across the ramparts, turn cartwheels over rooftops, flutter into the ravines between houses. Entire streets swirl with them, flashing white against the cobblestones.” ~All the Light We Cannot See (published 2014) by Anthony Doerr, page 3.
“Sitting beside the road, watching the wagon mount the hill toward her, Lena thinks, ‘I have come from Alabama: a fur piece. All the way from Alabama a-walking.”~Light in August (published 1932), William Faulkner, page 1
“The Salinas Valley is in Northern California. It is a long narrow swale between two ranges of mountains, and the Salinas River winds and twists up the center until it falls at last into the Monterey Bay.”~East of Eden (published 1952) by John Steinbeck, page 1.
“‘Corruption? I’ll tell you about corruption, sonny!’ The old man glared into the flames in the fireplace and trembled all over, biting so hard on the stem of his pipe that it crackled once, sharply, like the fireplace logs.” ~October Light by John Gardner, page 1.
“Snowman wakes before dawn. He lies unmoving, listening to the tide coming in, wave after wave sloshing over the various barricades, wish-wash, wish-wash, the rhythm of heartbeat. He would so like to believe he is asleep.” ~Oryx and Crake (published 2003) by Margaret Atwood, page 1.
“It was Wang Lung’s marriage day. At first, opening his eyes in the blackness of the curtains about his bed, he could not think why the dawn seemed different from any other. The house was still except for the faint, gasping cough of his old father, whose room was opposite to his own across the middle room.” ~The Good Earth (published 1931) by Pearl S. Buck, page 1.
“The escalator crept along slowly, straining upward In an old station like this, what else could you expect? But the wind swirled like a wild thing inside the concrete pipe–ruffling his hair, tugging the hood off his head, sneaking under his scarf, pressing him downward.” ~Nightwatch (published 1998) by Sergei Lukyanenko, page 3.
“I had seen her just the day before–a day of pale blue skies and summer breezes. We had stood on the lawns beneath the chestnut trees and she had said: the leaves are talking to me Charlie.”~The Piano Man’s Daughter (published 1995) by Timothy Findley, page 1.
“It was love at first sight. The first time Yossarian saw the chaplain he fell madly in love with him. Yosarrian was in the hospital with a pain in his liver that fell just short of being jaundice.”~Catch-22 (published 1961) by Joseph Heller.
“In the shade of the house, in the sunshine on the river bank by the boats, in the shade of the sallow wood and the fig tree, Siddhartha, the handsome Brahmin’s son, grew up with his friend Govinda. The sun browned his slender shoulders on the river bank, while bathing at the holy ablutions, at the holy sacrifices.”~Siddhartha (published 1922) by Hermann Hesse, page 3
“Mabel had known there would be silence. That was the point, after all. No infants cooing or wailing. No neighbor children playfully hollering down the lane.”~The Snow Child (published 2013) by Ewoyn Ivey, page 3
What many of them have in common is that the pull the reader into the world that they have created, and make us care about what is happening. The first few lines also set the mood for the story. After reading the intro for The Road, you can already tell the story is going to be dark and full of angst.
An interesting point is that when you compare the introductions of older fiction to their modern counterparts, it’s obvious that modern audiences expect more of a hook. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that people have less patience now. We are always looking for faster and more efficient ways to accomplish things. It only makes sense that this would extend to fiction.
Out of curiosity, based on these intros, which books would you want to read? I’ve read all of these so my choices are biased.
I joined another literary critique site, Scribophile, about a week ago. I posted my short story about three times on Critique Circle, and I wanted some fresh eyes on it before I submit it to literature magazines in August. One advantage of Scribophile over Critique Circle is that you get reputation points for being a good critter. I put a lot of effort into my critiques, so it’s nice to be recognized for that quality.
I actually had to use a real name to sign up (they wouldn’t let me use Paper Butterfly), so I used Tessa Brant. I guess that is my pseudonym now XD Previously, I was debating the names Ella, Tessa, and Janna, but I felt like a Tessa when I signed up, so that’s who I am now. It’s still kind of weird when people call me Tessa because I’m not used to it. I never wanted to publish under my real name because I’m still a bit scared my cyberbully will come after me. I guess if I ever become popular then my real identity will come out, but I’ll cross that bridge if it ever happens XD Scribophile is bigger than Critique Circle so there are more writers and critters. The nice thing about that is that no one person dominates the forums and/or critiques. Since it is so large there are more writers. I already found a few other writers that love poetic prose and flailed around like a fangirl 8D
A benefit that both of these sites share is that they are locked unless you have a user ID and password. This allows you to post your stories without exposing them to the whole internet. Most literature magazines will not take a story once it has been blog published or published anywhere on the internet.
I think I’ve definitely improved since joining literary critique sites. It helps to read the critiques of other writers, and then you get a better sense of what works and what doesn’t. I’ve become more critical of my own writing in the process. I don’t think I’ll be joining more than two of these sites because it’s more than enough to keep me busy.
The Paper Butterfly 